the_cupbearer | OPEN BAR POST

"I don't ever use it anymore," Ganymede chuckled. "I don't need it. And I don't mind getting rid of it, I just like teasing you. I like it when you laugh and tell me about the fuckboys."

"Seriously though, how many unsolicited dick pics do you get in a day? These shitbags just fling them around like they are Pokemon cards." He teased as he took them inside and pushed the door closed with his foot. Ashley let his hands go and let Ganymede put his feet back on the ground.

"It's okay though, I don't care if they look. I know you're mine." He wasn't a jealous man, he was a territorial man, there is a difference. They belonged to each other and Ashley would protect that. He knew Ganymede would do the same. His lips quirked up at the corners in a devious smile as he walked Ganymede backward, and up against a wall. Was he looking at the other man as if he might be something to eat? Absolutely. "Maybe you should just change your profile picture to one of us. Together. Can we talk about that one picture...in those fucking jeans? I've never wanted to be a pair of jeans so bad in my life."

Ganymede chuckled and shook his head. "I put up a profile of the both of us, and you'll get all the fuckboys asking one of us if we want to watch them screw the other one," he finished, and for a split second his face froze, breath halting and unsure.

"...I...I didn't mean that," he breathed.

Ashley didn't even think of that and Ganymede was probably right. He even started to laugh at what he was saying. His face fell though as he watched Ganymede's face freeze and change very suddenly.

Looking down at him Ash's brow pinched together with concern. Did something happen that he's not aware of? "Ganymede...baby, I don't care if you meant it or not, we were just fucking around, right?" He did not like the change he was seeing in the other. "Did I say something wrong? I really don't give a shit about Grindr. I swear."

He tilted Ganymede's chin up. "What's going on? Talk to me."

"Rabbits," he said softly, shoulders dropping though the rest of him was tensing up. "I didn't mean...rabbits," Ganymede managed. "It's not just fucking. I didn't mean it, I do love you. I just..."

The words had come out like nothing, and abruptly it had all come crashing back down that this was exactly what he'd said with his ex and Armarus had gotten angry at him for devaluing what they'd been doing. And he was scare that it woud go the exact same way with Ashley, and he couldn't lose that. Not again, not like this, not with Ashley.

"Hey." He said it firmly, not yelling or snapping but trying to get Ganymede's attention. "Ganymede. Stop." Ashley wasn't sure what happened or why he looked like he was going to fall apart. All he could think was that he had gone way too far with a joke and felt horrible. "What the fuck do you mean rabbits? Can...can you just like take a deep breath for me and calm down and talk to me? I don't know what is going on right now but I'm so fucking sorry I joked about Grindr."

Ashley looked as concerned as he sounded. "Baby, please, talk to me." He said softly his hands curling gently around his lovers upper arms.

He looked up at Ashley, obviously fearful as he sucked in a breath and slowly, terribly slowly, blew it out.

"I--someething I said before. With...Armarus." There was no point in calling him George now and perepetuating that level of stupidity. Ashley knew what he was, what they all were, and if he didn't he'd be finding out now. Ganymede sucked in a breath and burted it out, without stopping or pausing.

"We ordered pizza and we'd been having sex and I said I wanted him to stay, I said we were screwing like--like rabbits. He was mad, he said if he'd wanted me to be a fucking rabbit he'd have just paid like a hooker when we first met," he finished, all in one breath and letting his head fall back against the door. "I'm sorry, baby, I don't mean we're rabbits, I don't."

"You do not owe me an apology." The only thing about what he just heard that really bothered him was knowing anyone who said they loved this man had talked to him like that. That would twist something about his past to get a jab in. It was childish and cruel in his opinion. Not something you do to a person you care about, even if they were just a friend. He's not all that surprised by it though, based on his own experiences with all of them, birds of a feather they say.

Ashley gave a light shrug of his shoulders. "We kind of are rabbits. Fuck frequently. See each other and want to go at it. Pretty accurate description if you ask me." He wasn't bothered by it at all. Kind of thought it was funny and he would have laughed if it weren't for the obvious distress Ganymede was in.

"You thought I was going to get mad at you." He sighed and rubbed his fingers against the rough hair along his jaw. "You were right. A picture of the two of us? Of course it would have looked like an invitation for a threesome. That's not what is going on here though, right? It's not about me. This is about you and whatever bullshit he got stuck in your head. Some shitty notion that joking about your sex life was disrespectful? That had to be it for the prick to talk to you like that." When he said that last bit, his voice sounded hard and agitated. "I'm not him, Ganymede. Look, I know you think he loved you...but that's not love, treating someone like that over a fucking joke. You know that. I know you know that."

Ganymede had been pressed against the wall, and as he listened and tried to process the words, he wanted to slide down the wall or shove away from Ash, but when he picked his head up and saw the look on Ashley's face he couldn't. He wanted this man too badly to leave, too badly to be anything but grasping for him for some little bit of stability.

"Ash, please," he murmured, "Please tell me you're not leaving. That you're not mad."

"I am not leaving. I am not mad." He met Ganymede's eyes and his face softened. "Baby, I just asked you to marry me. I need you to trust that I believe in what that means. Hey," Ashley let out a huff of air feeling a little lost on what to do right now and his need to punch something in the face was growing. "Come here."

Instead of letting himself get lost in the anger this made him feel for a man he couldn't take it out on because he had run to Vegas like a bitch, he picked Ganymede back up. Just as he had when they came into the house. He curled a hand around the back of his neck and an arm was under his ass to hold him up. Ashley just wrapped himself around him and buried his face into his neck. "Even if I were pissed off, I wouldn't leave. We would talk and figure it out. I know it's going to take time for you to believe that. I'm not going to give up while you're getting through this. But, I need just a little trust, that's all. You know me. I would never talk to you like that."

"I know, I know," Ganymede whispered, wanting nothing more than to be comforted for a second, though his emotions were tengled and rapidly bubbling over as he gripped Ashley's shoulders tightly. "I just...it was so stupid, it has only been a joke and he called me a whore," he breathed.

"Like that's all it was, that....he was just entertaining me. He was such a bastard," he sighed, trying to relax but not having much luck in unfurling the tight black bloom of anger. "He thought I was a prostitute when we first met. I wasn't, but I know that's what he assumed. I guess he thought the bar was just to cover it."

Well that was information that could send him right over the edge into rage. A whore. A prostitute. As if that would make him any less of a person. This wasn't about his own anger though and that wasn't fair to the man he loves. He's going through something and all Ashley can do is try to get through it with him and not make it about himself.

"First, there isn't any shame in sex work." Ashley had slept with plenty of strippers, even paid a couple to take care of him in the back room during a dry spell. They had been good, sweet girls just trying to make money like everyone else. Even dated a porn model and learned that when it came to women, he was an ass man and did not love the fake boob look. Still, just a job. Not a stain on a persons character. In general he didn't care for people who treated others like shit for how they made money. If you aren't hurting anyone and it's consensual? More power to you. "Second, coming from an asshole who has to have people paid to keep his bed warm, like they all did, his opinion of you shouldn't carry so much weight. They use people. I am so fucking sorry he used you. That he treated you like you weren't good enough for him. He knows your insecurities and he used that to control you and get what he wanted. That's all."

The last time he had talked to Jasper, to try to be a decent person and keep him from being punished for talking to Ashley about his world, he learned exactly what he had meant to him all along. Jasper had needed a warm body to make him feel again, that's all Ashley had been to him. Must run in the 'family', treating people like whores and disposing of them once they asked for what they were owed. Like respect or love. If he ever saw any of them again it would be impossible to stop him from ripping them apart. Just to stop them from doing this to anyone else.

"I don't know what to do to help you through this. But, I'm not going anywhere."

Ganymede just shook his head, shifting in Ashley's hold and wanting to get down. "I'm just... I'm fucking angry that I let him do it," he managed, wanting to take a swing at something, anything. He was just angry that he'd let himself not see it, and had tried to defend Armarus to the man holding him now. He fisted his hands, squeezing tight and picking up a decorative glass candle dish, something moderately heavy, and handy, that he could throw. That it was shaped like a sunflower, his ex's favorite flower to give him, just helped him not care about it shattering.

"I've done pornography before. And hell I've been a prostitute before. But nobody's ever called me that and wanted to make it as dirty as he did. And...I believed him. I'm such an idiot."

As soon as he felt him shift in his arms Ashley let his grip go and let Ganymede stand back up. He wouldn't try to contain him. When he grabbed the dish to throw Ashley took hold of his wrist to stop him. It wasn't a tight grip, the intent was not to hurt him just get his attention.

"Ganymede." He said his name to get his attention. "Stop. Please. We were just fucking happy. I just asked you to marry me. You're letting him win. Letting him diminish you even though he is gone!"

Ashley swore right then he would find a way to ruin him. He could do it from a distance. Has the connections, the money and the power to make it happen.

"You aren't an idiot. You're fucking brilliant. You just fell for the wrong asshole and wanted it to be real. I did it to! But you're going to look back on tonight and beat yourself up for this. You're letting him win and he doesn't matter."

When Ganymede calms down or in a week or a month thinks back on this night Ash knows he'll be so upset with himself that this happened. It breaks his heart to not know how to help him through this. It also hurts to have a night that felt so wonderful and full of hope turn into this.

"I never wanted to be this guy. Never...but you have got to make a choice. Right fucking now. It's me or him. You choose us and let this shit go. Because. He. Doesn't. Matter. I'm here and I love you so much...but right now? You're letting him control you and ruining something really special."

At the hand on his wrist, and the soft sound of his given name, the reminder that there was a choice in this, and it was only his...all the fight, the anger, the energy went out of him ike a popped balloon. Ganymede dropped the glass dish to the floor, sucking in a halting breath.

"...It's you, baby," he whispered, shaking his head and biting down hard on his lip though he didn't look away, willing the man standing in front of him to believe him. "It's always going to be you, Ashley." He wasn't the person to walk away from something unless he had no other choice, and this was nothing more than proof of that: but it was time to admit to himself it was over, well and truly, and there was nothing to be done to get what he'd had back. It hurt in a way he couldn't describe, and he hated it, he wanted to be angry, but he couldn't be right now. Not with the look on his lover's face.

He knew Ashley had been hurt, unbelievably so, by the people who had left him before, had turned away from him for nothing more than selfish reasons, and Ganymede never wanted to be one of them. "You're mine. And I'm yours."

Right now in this moment he felt more pain then Jasper had ever made him feel. He had been so certain. So confident. He was the one. Ashley was ready to do something he never thought he would do again. And then Armarus found way to ruin it, to take it from them both. He hurt because he thought Ganymede was in the same place he was, which was his own fault for making assumptions. Ashley had let Jasper go. There were things that hurt, sure. But not to this degree. He knew they would get there but Ganymede needed more time.

"I love you." He said softly. "You're mine. I'm yours. But you're not ready."

Fucking hell, he could just throw himself off a bridge right now.

"I'm going to go," He took a deep breath. "Up to my room, okay? And lay down. I want to lay under my stars and just chill for a minute." Another breath and he looked at Ganymede. "I'm not leaving. I love you."

But he needed a minute to clear his head. And fuck, he needed a puppy to cuddle. Ash paused and kissed his love deeply. "I love you." He says again.

Then he kicks off his shoes and wanders off to find Felix and go cuddle him under the twinkling lights in his room.

Edited 2023-07-19 03:40 (UTC)

Ganymede stayed standing exactly where he was, unmoving and still as stone while he watched Ashley turn and walk away, barely breathing. There were so many thoughts in his head, all clamoring to get out that it was little more than a full roaring sound between his ears. He lost all track of time, rooted to that spot until he could barely feel his legs, concentrating so much on the feel that had been Ashley's lips on his.

Walking up to the halway where he'd put Ashley's room, sinking down beside the door with Ameera and Maelie in his lap, a heavy if comforting weight.

With his sense of hearing he picked up every sound. Every heavy foot step from the man he loved. Ashley laid there on the bed, petting Felix's head, staring at his starry sky. He didn't know what to say. What he knew was that a mere matter of minutes between them made him ache.

"Fe," He said to the puppy on his chest. "I gotta go get Daddy."

He knew Ganymede wouldn't open the door. Wouldn't beg. And Ashley didn't want him to. It wasn't about submitting to what Ash wants. The tiny pup was gently set on his pillow. Ashley opened the door. He reached down and pet both of the dogs before shooing them away from their owners lap.

Ashley didn't say a damn word and accepted if his actions caused Ganymede to freak out. He bent down and scooped the other man into his arms. "Please don't fight me." Was the whispered plea against his loves cheek. "I'm sorry."

Edited 2023-07-19 04:48 (UTC)

"Don't be sorry," he said softly, merely tucking himself in against Ash when he got scooped up like he didn't weigh anything. He only wrapped his arms around his love's shoulders, fingers fisting tight in his shirt. Ganymede had hated being picked up with Armarus, even if logically he'd known the man wouldn't drop him. But he hadn't trusted it innately, not in the very core of his being like he did when Ashley touched him. He was solid, warm, so easy to love it felt effortless.

"I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry it's you, and it's been you since we stayed up all night and watched the stars." He took a deep breath, tightening his hold on Ashley and squeezing with his whole body. He lifted his head not caring about the half-dry tear tracks down his face, resting against Ash. His love, his lover, his anchor in a rough sea. "I'm not ready yet. But my choice is you, Ashley Ira Cromwell Savery."

What Ganymede says, Ashley knows. He knows they are right. That this has been happening for longer then they both wanted to admit. That Ganymede wasn't ready for it. He's not sure what to do about that last part.

"I love you. It's as simple and as complicated as that." As strong and as gifted as he is, there is no fix for what is going on with the man in his arms. Ashley hates that he can't change anything, just wait. He kissed the end of his nose. "I'm not sorry it's me and I know it is. I know that I belong to you. I just needed to know you believed it to."

He set Ganymede down on the bed and kissed the top of his head. Ashley scooped the puppy up and glanced at the door to see the other dogs waiting. "Wait here. I'm going to take the babies to bed."

Ashley was quick about taking the dogs down to their room and tucking them back in.

He stood in the door of the room where he had left Ganymede. Just watching the man he loved so much. "I shouldn't have pushed you to say something I already know."

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